Declining the Invitation to Culture Wars

I recently was directed (from Facebook) to a blog post in which the author expressed her dismay with the fact that GA was not providing childcare.  I don't know the author, but her response prompted me to write this overlong comment.  I don't know whether it will be posted (the blog is moderated).  While my response was to a specific incident, I felt that it addressed a larger concern in general, so I thought I'd include it here.  The author's blog can be found here.   My response is below.  Thanks for reading.

==============

Thank you for raising this important point. I think it’s still more often the case than not that event organizers tend to be from a generation where two working spouses were more the exception than the norm (although this will change as the years pass, of course). While the guidance they provided you shows that they’re aware of the issue, it may well be that, since their current life doesn’t revolve around childcare, they’re not really aware of how many other organizations have made the shift to default childcare arrangements. I think your comments will help to highlight this shortfall.

That said, I’m concerned by the tone of your comments and the unsubstantiated assumptions that you make. Your third paragraph knocked me for a loop. “Irate and close to tears”?? My wife and I are both clergy, with two young children, who frequently encounter this shortfall, but I can’t say that either of us have ever approached such a high level of emotion in response to this difficulty. We chalk it up to a failure to communicate and/or a lack of understanding (which, not surprisingly, is fairly common among sinners), and set about trying to make a helpful way forward.

You write, “This assumes all people wishing to attend have family or regular child-care providers who could provide this kind of long term care.” I disagree. Their guidance says, “Consider…” That’s a very sensible suggestion, given that their guidance to all interested parties necessarily has to be general in nature. Simply to offer a solution that may work for some situations is not at all the same as making as assumption that everyone is IN the same situation.

You then write, “I also read, “Your children are not wanted. If you have children, it is not important you attend. This is a meeting for those over 50.”” My dear sister in Christ, attributing such motives and feelings to fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, without ever having spoken to them, without hearing their side, and not knowing who they are, is neither helpful nor upbuilding to the Body of Christ. It IS, however (I’m afraid), more and more common in our discourses in this denomination. As Christians — and ESPECIALLY as pastors — when we encounter something that we find personally disagreeable, our first (or tenth, or one hundredth) reaction should never be to ascribe unholy and selfish motives to those in question. NEVER. Rather, it should always be to seek understanding. [Yes, I know you wrote one email, and you haven't yet received a response. But that's one instance, and the number 'seventy times seven' comes to mind here.] Indeed, as Christians, if we make ANY assumption about others, it should be that they are operating from motives that are purer and more selfless than our own (Phil. 2:3).

You write, “I do not believe that it would be difficult to offer some form of child care at General Assembly. Other conferences do it all the time.” I am not familiar with your experiences, so I cannot comment on them. However, I have been very involved in church-based and privately-run childcare for ten years now, and I can assure you that, whether or not other conferences do it all the time, the liability and health code considerations alone make this a considerable challenge, before we even begin talking about hiring folks. For such a week-long operation in the state of Virginia, here are just a few of the attendant considerations:
– A certified director
– Facilities that pass inspection and are certified child-safe by social services and health authorities
– Background checks on all employees
– Strict guidelines concerning child-caregiver ratios that differ according to the age of the child (in increments as small as six months)
– Legal agreements signed by parents, including guidelines concerning the provision of routine and emergency medical care.
Childcare services are governed by state regulations, which can differ widely from state to state.  Virginia also has minimum square footage requirements per number of children.  That means if an extra child shows up, we're not allowed to "squeeze him/her in" if we've already reach the max number of children for that size room.  Even if only forty parents requested childcare, imagine having enough qualified people on hand that first morning to handle all those questions from all those parents at once.  I don’t know what Pennsylvania’s regulations require, but I would suggest that, before you say, “I do not believe that it would be difficult to offer some form of child care at General Assembly,” that you first make an effort to substantiate that opinion.

There's an old Native American saying about not judging a man [sic] until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.  (I think Jesus says something about judging others as well - cf. Matthew 7).  Sister, I don't know you.  I do know that you have precious children that you love, and that you want to parent faithfully and responsibly.  I know that you want our denomination to help you perform that ministry in support of your ministry to the Church.  That is all well and good, and commendable.  But please do not succumb to our culture's practice of baselessly ascribing impure, dishonorable, or ignoble motives to strangers whose opinion or practices or policies we find disagreeable (our legal system forbids this practice -- it's called an ad hominem attack).  Rather, seek first the Kingdom of God, which is ruled by love ("which crowns everything with harmony"), and if you must make assumptions, then assume that the other person's motives and thoughts are purer and more true than your own.  Seek understanding, rather than condemnation.  Assume innocence until proven guilty. 

I pray that you and your husband will be able to attend GA this year.  I pray that the Lord will provide satisfactory care arrangements for your children, that your voices will be included among the many who speak, that your ears will be among the many that hear, and that your spirits may be among the many guided by God's Holy Spirit to further, to increase, and to upbuild His Body, that God's Church in turn may be broken and poured out in love on behalf of a world struggling under the burden of sin.  Go with God.

Your brother in Christ,

Brint Keyes